HE Loves ME ~ He Loves Me Not
We were getting ready for bed the other night – I had just sent Jude and Emma to use the washroom and brush their teeth – general routine that happens every night, and as with most nights it was accomplished with just a LITTLE bit of complaining.
I held fast, weary in every part of my body. Exhausted from the effort that is parenting some days. The constant ~ do this, don’t do that, watch your manners, don’t jump on the wall, put your shoes away, and the classic “For goodness sake if you’re hungry enough to eat your own nasty boogers I’m sure you can eat even a morsel of the delicious supper I made for you!!!”… you know the drill.
As I sat on one of the little kid chairs in Jude’s room waiting for them to come join me so we could pray I rested my head on my knees. Suddenly, without warning Jude was there ~ he wrapped me in a hug so tight it took my breath away and said, “Mommy I love you. I wish all the kids in the whole world loved their Mommy’s as much as I Love You.”
With those words all the weariness of the day, the week (heck the month!!) drained away. My spirit was alive, my eyes were brimming with tears. I held tightly to his small form and savoured the sweetness of the moment.
After an entire day of what I feel like I was the MOTHER …. my son’s heart is overflowing with love for ME!. He loves me! I AM doing my job. Because my son loves me.
One day Emma was coming home with Wade after daycare. She had made a craft that day and at the bottom of the page were the words; “I love my Mommy and I love my Daddy.” While in transit on the way home Wade upset the princess about something. So upset was she that by the time they arrived home when he tried to talk with her about the craft she had made he read the sentence at the bottom to her.
With attitude fit for a princess she snatched the page away from him, tossed her haughty head and said, “Not Daddy. I only love Mommy.” and stomped away.
Capturing the hearts of your children is not for the faint of heart!
Now in that moment obviously Wade wasn’t crushed by it. That was her 3 year old way of taking control again. He had denied her something that she wanted and this was her response. Right now its a cute story – something we laughed about later..
The thing to remember is that just being a parent does not automatically mean you will have captured your child’s heart! They may love you – they may obey you – they may even speak in deference to you…
But have you captured their heart?
And when you are weary from the journey and think you simply cannot go any further… it requires for you to get up and take one more step……
Before I had children I used to always say that I will raise children who are obedient (the 1st time – no counting to 3 for haughty, know-it-all me!) they will speak with respect to those in authority – they will be polite and well-balanced children.
Then they came. And I realized something they’re mini humans! more to the point… they’re mini me’s (and Wado!~ guess there’s a little of him there too!!!! ;)) Shock, gasp, hold onto your seats they have their own free will. They have their own thoughts and opinions. They may not agree with a single thing I say!
Now I could lay down the law and spend my days like a drill sergeant. I could literally make my blood pressure explode and have a constant pulsating vein in my forehead. They might march to the right beat, toe the line and never so much as peep unless told to. But would I have captured their hearts?
I could go polar opposite! Be their best bud. The cool AUNT figure… Let them eat what they want, when they want. Let them bathe when they want, go to bed when they want. I could let them wander the streets at all hours unsupervised, have friends over constantly. Let them parent themselves. (its truly a thing I’ve heard about it!) But would I have captured their hearts?
At the end of the day ~ I may have my own dreams for these beautiful wonderful children. I may have my own agenda in how I want them to behave so the the world pats me on the back and says Good Job Erin! Stellar Parenting! You’re a model to us all!
But what I want first and foremost is that my children; after I have said no for the 3rd bedtime snack; after I have refused to allow them to stay up later because I know they need their rest in order to function the next day; after I have insisted upon a well-balanced healthy diet, limited their technology use, and encouraged their literacy growth; after I have failed as a parent and apologized for losing my cool, being distracted with my phone and so on so forth….
After all is said and done ~ even with the fits of rage, the displays of strong will and exertion of independence.
I want to be able to say that I have captured my children’s heart. To be able to feel their arms wrapped tightly around me, taking my breath away and without prompting to hear them say:
Mommy I love you. I wish all the kids in the whole world loved their Mommy’s as much as I Love You.”
I could go on and give you the 5 steps to how capturing your child’s Heart! But every child is different.
and that alone is the key.
Every child is different. They are unique, special, talented and wonderfully created and they all require one thing.
That you take the time to know their hearts.
- Don’t think giving them whatever they want is key
- Don’t think being the best disciplinarian is key.
- But take the time to know them. To truly know them. Earn their respect. Then even when you have to lay down the law. Even when in a fit of independence and lashing out they say: “Not you Daddy, I only love Mommy.” Even then, you will still have their hearts. Because they respect you. They trust you. You have taken the time to Truly Capture their hearts.
So go on. Give it a shot if you haven’t already. Get to know your children. I dare you! 🙂