Today she needs me. Desperately, insistently, and for everything.
Today she needs me to; listen to her stories, watch her dance, paint with her, find her favourite blankie, wear the Super Hero mask, tickle her, sing to her, get her water, get her lunch, find her favourite princess underwear, and without doubt the most important need – to laugh with her.
Today she needs me to tuck her in and say her prayers, snuggle her and get her the hundredth glass of water all before – WAIT! Now she NEEDS me to take her potty (big surprise…)
Today she needs me to help her get up on the potty and wipe her bum.
Today she needs me to help her reach things that are too high, carry heavy loads and hold her hand when danger (real or perceived) lurks near.
Simply put – Today she NEEDS me for nearly everything.
And that constant need can be exhausting can’t it?
THE INTRUSIVE INTERRUPTION OF MY NEEDS
Just as I sit down, weary and in need of a moment to breathe I hear those sweet compelling words, Mommy I need you.
Just as I head to the washroom for the VERY first time that day (and NO I did NOT just get up) I hear the words, Mommy I need you.
When I finally have the opportunity to eat having fed my children breakfast, snack AND lunch I hear the words, Mommy I need you.
At the end of the day, when I am closing her bedroom door having read the umpteenth story, sang song after song, prayers, tickles and snuggles I hear the words, Mommy I need you.
THE FACE she’s making the face
Her little face turns toward me in earnest. Her eyes [not quite blue, not quite green] pin me with intensity. It’s as though with every ounce of her being she needs me to understand that I, her mother, am the only one who can fix whatever predicament she finds herself in, that without my help she simply cannot go on. She is desperate for me to understand that she needs me. My presence. My love. My attention. My heart. My everything. Simply – She needs my everything.
PERSPECTIVE changes everything
There are moments where I would love just one minute of peace, to not hear my name being called continuously, the familiar “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, MOOOOOOMMMMM”! Moments where I holler back, “Mom’s not here”! There are those seconds (milliseconds even) where I think (and then immediate guilt and remorse for even thinking such a thing) of those days before kids, the days where I did what I wanted, when I wanted and thought only of myself.
And then I hear her sweet words, Mommy I need you. Her eyes earnest and full of trust knowing that her dear precious Momma will always come to aid. And my perspective shifts ever so slightly, my feet feel a little less weary, my gritty eyes open wider and my patience that was waning mere moments before is strengthened yet again.
The Reality is
Today she needs me – and tomorrow is coming far too quickly. Tomorrow she will say, I do it myself. Tomorrow with the flick of her head tossing her hair over her shoulder she will dismiss my help. Tomorrow she won’t even ask – Tomorrow I will yearn for today when she said over and over and over again, Mommy I NEEEEEEED you.
Today I will not dismiss those pleas, I will not hide or ignore her heartfelt cries. Today, while today remains, I will respond. I will wipe her tears, kiss her hurts, hug her close, and be all she needs me to be.
While I still have today.
My name is Mommy – I am weary, but I am Needed.